i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Girls should come with a carfax report
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
