Christians are straight up FREAKS
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
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