The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
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