after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
