If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
