I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
