i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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