it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Randomize
