How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
