I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
You need a sexual gate keeper
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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