I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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