I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
