He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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