bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
