Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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