Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
