VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I just gift wrapped bread.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
