He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
