Got a toothbrush?
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
