I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
