Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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