you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
