i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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