i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
