I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
