then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
