how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
