mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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