threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
