I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
