But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Randomize
