You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
