i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
