Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
