I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Randomize
