hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
