he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
