One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
