the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Randomize
