How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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