I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
