She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
