Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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