I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
stop calling my apartment porn island.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
