I think my vagina is haunted
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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