In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
