Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
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