I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
