I am spending my child support on dildos
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
