i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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