Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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