tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
