Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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