I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
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