Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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