You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
